Its the last day before I go back and its really late already
Am staying quite far away
It would be understandable if we couldn't get to meet
But he makes the comes to see me anyway
I can see he is tired
I asked about that , he says work
We just staring at each other, knowing there is so much to talk about
But not knowing where to start
I'm am so aware of everything now, nothing seems innocent anymore
So I'm standing quite far away
I guess he feels the same way, everything is different now
We are chatting about random things
But am falling apart within me
Its being really hard and I so alone
I just had the saddest weak, happy days and sad nights
Didn't expect love to come at a price of true friendship
Or rather I think I expected love to be worth the (huge) sacrifice
But am so scared to talk about it to the only person who really understands
Because I feel its betrayal, so I keep trying to be strong but am failing
He realises and hugs me, for the first time that evening
I feel better, yes this was my friend and I can talk to him
I feel more confident and tell him
We talk and I guess he didn't expect it but he understands
I tell him the decision, he says he understands
he says sometimes love is tested, everything comes at a price
No price is too big for love and he wanted me not to give up
He said I would pull through ,
he was going to step out completely, but we will always be friends
Friends will always come but true love won't
Its chaotic within me
So many thoughts
Was it worth it for someone who gives up on me at the first opportunity
Someone who only care about how it affected him
Someone who didn't understand what friendship was about
Someone who...
A couple of hours later
Uncles and aunties making jokes about us
They invite him to stay longer but he has to go
A part of me wants him to stay
That part of me is hurting and isn't thinking straight
That part of me just wants to throw everything away and live for the moment
Yet another part of me (the stronger part) reminds me of what / who is more important
It reminds me why I made the decisions I made
It gives me hope that things will get better
It tells me this was all for the greater good and there will be more moments to look forward to with the right person.
In retrospect, I guess that part of me lied. Things never got better, there was nothing to look forward to and I got to find that the important people are those who wait it out with you when the storms of life rages (aka when its important). But I don't regret that decision because I know while it mattered I made the right decisions for the right reasons, I let love lead the way.
There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. ~Harry Crews
